Smelly Cat
Smelly cat, smelly cat What are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat It's not your fault They won't take you to the vet You're obviously not their favorite pet You may not be a bed of roses And you're no friend to those with noses Smelly cat, smelly cat What are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat It's not your fault
Two of Them Kissed last Night
There was a girl, we'll call her Betty, and a guy let's call him Neil. Now I can't stress this point too strongly, this story isn't real. Now our Neil must decide, who will be the girl that he casts aside. Will Betty be the one who he loves truly? Or will it be the one who we'll call Ju...Loolie? He must decide, he must decide, even though I made him up, he must decide!
Sticky Shoes
My sticky shoe My sticky, sticky shoe Why you stick on me, ba-a-bay?
Snowman
I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin' How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen? La-la-la-la-la-la-la..
Bi-sexuals
Sometimes men love women And sometimes men love men Then there are bi-sexuals Though some just say they're kidding themselves La-la-la-la-la-la...
My Coma Guy
You don't have to be awake to be my man As long as you have brain waves I'll be there to hold your hand. Though we just met the other day There's something I have go to say... Thank you
Don't
There'll be times when you get older And you'll want to sleep with people Just to make them like you But DON'T Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do That's another thing that you don't wanna do.
Grandma
Now grandma's a person who everyone likes She brought you a train and a bright shiny bike But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner. Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru, But the truth is she died and someday you will too La-la-la-la-la...
Crazy Underwear
Crazy underwear creeping up my butt Crazy underwear always in a rut Crazy underwear...
Terry's a jerk
Terry's a jerk, and he won't let me work, and I hate Central Perk! You're all invited to bite me!
Tony Tarzan
Little Tony Tarzan Swinging on an nose hair Swinging with the greatest of ease...
Jingle bitch
Okay. ‘Jingle bitch screwed me over! Go to hell jingle whore! Go to hell Go to hell. Go to hell-hell-hell.’ That’s all I have so far.
Blackout
New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy.... la, la, la, la.
Holiday Song
Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap Said all you need is to write them a song Now you haven't heard it yet so don't try to sing along No don't sing along Monica, Monica, have a happy Hanukkah Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowwwy And Rachel and Chandler, (mumbles something) handler!
Babies
They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch, and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much. Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why, you cry and you cry and you cry. And you cry and you cry and you cry...
Parading Goats
Parading goats are parading, Parading down the street. Parading goats are parading, Leaving little treats.
They found their bodies
They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next... la, la, la, la.
Little Fetus
Are you in there little fetus? In nine months will you come greet us? I will buy you some Adidas
Cremated Mother
My mother's ashes Even her eyelashes Are resting in a little yellow jar, And sometimes when it's breezy...
Barnyard animals
Oh the cow in the meadow goes "moo" Oh the cow in the meadow goes "moo" Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up And that's how we get hamburgers. Nowwwww chickens!
In the Shower
I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song Stop me if you've heard it My skin is soapy and my hair is wet And Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget. Lather, rinse, repeat Lather, rinse, repeat Lather, rinse, repeat (pause) As needed!